I had my 15th and final radiation treatment yesterday. It has been a long haul and I sailed through much of it without any side effects. This past Friday, after my second last treatment, I broke out in a big rash and now have some skin breakdown that is pretty painful. After my treatment yesterday, they assessed my skin and told me what I could put on it to help soothe & heal it and said that it will likely get worse over the next 10-14 days before it starts getting better. That was it…I got changed back into my clothes and left the radiation unit…that was the end of my treatment.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be done my treatment…it has been a lot both mentally and physically. But when I left the hospital yesterday, I wasn’t expecting the unsettling feeling that came over me. It completely took me by surprise. I though I would feel overjoyed to finally be done, but I actually felt like “that’s it?”, “now what?” Then all the thoughts started running through my head…”how do they know the cancer is gone?”, “what if they didn’t get it all?”, “what if there are still little microscopic cancer cells left behind that could begin to grow?” When you are given a cancer diagnosis, your life becomes so regimented for months on end between doctors appointments, surgery, recovery, and treatment that it often leaves little time for anything else. Fast forward to the end of treatment…I have a phone call check in next week, a phone follow-up with my radiation oncologist early in July, and an in-person appointment with my medical oncologist in October…and that’s it! It’s going to take me a while to wrap my head around all this.